They say, you get wiser with age and let me tell you truer words have never been spoken, well in my case at least. As the years go by I am proud of who I have become and over my 34 years I truly believe that is the key to success and happiness. Being your own number one fan. Now, I’m not saying to be conceded or cocky, I am saying the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you have and nurturing that is #1.
When I was in my twenties I spent a lot of my time focused on how to make other people happy. How to mold myself into what others would find appealing or what I thought would make me most liked. Don’t get me wrong, I have always been my own person but I definitely would do things I didn’t really want to do to please others because I felt I “had to” in order to be a good friend, good family member, good girlfriend, good human etc… I have realized that saying NO is powerful and doing what instinctively feels right and authentic to you is what’s most important. Example, if I don’t want to go out to a dinner or gathering with people who I don’t really feel connected to anymore or have a meaningful relationship with just for the sake of being there because “I should be there” I no longer go. I would prefer to spend the time I have doing what makes me happy, even if that’s eating dinner at 5pm with my husband, washing my face and getting into bed by 7pm on Saturday. I no longer care if I am being judged for doing what serves me. I have learnt that the opinion of others is THEIR business not mine and I’m ok with not being loved or liked all the time because I genuinely love myself and there is no better love than self-love.
The idea of self-love or self-care isn’t just about taking the hour out of your day to work out or do a face mask. Self-love and self-care if about caring for yourself in every sense of the word. Self-work is self-care and self-love- therapy, podcasts, reading books, listening to social media personalities that resonate with me, speaking to my audience, this is all part of self-work. Constantly evolving and learning from others and seeking out more from myself. Deeper understanding of who I truly am at the core without the distraction of my upbringing, the people around me and chatter. Really centering myself and plugging into ME! We have our own answers inherently inside us but often we are so distracted by things that don’t matter to listen to ourselves.
When I was 30 and newly married, I felt the next step was to have a baby. I assumed, because that was the path everyone around me took that was what I wanted and society tells us that’s what we should be doing. So I started trying to have a baby and with that came a whole new world I genuinely never knew existed, not getting what I wanted when I wanted it. I have grown up extremely fortunate and have been able to live a very blessed life. I have always worked and worked hard and through that, have gotten what I wanted. So when I wasn’t getting pregnant and then entered the world of fertility treatments, control was something that was taken from me and getting what I wanted when I wanted it was no longer an option. This was and has been a blessing in disguise and it has taken me years to truly see that my path was not to be a mother right away and when I wanted it. I had to learn, gain perspective and share my voice with others. Not getting what I wanted when I wanted it made me into a better person, at times a miserable person but then I had to work through that misery and learn to make myself happy. I can’t really put into words how much I have grown from going through fertility treatments and having no control, and while I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I am grateful for the lessons I have learnt. The main lesson being that my time will come and to let go of the need to control everything and control what is within your power.
Regardless of who you are, there will be many moments in life where you are not in control and as humans, we need to accept that and focus our attention to the things we can control and let go of what we cannot. I truly believe that although we want to start our family so much, it will come when it’s the right time and once it does it will all make sense. Social timelines are BULLSHIT, don’t buy into that and let that make you make decisions that you don’t actually want just to check a box you think is supposed to be checked. We all have a path that is meant for us and I truly believe that.
Lastly, because as you guys know I can go on and on. Be kind, lead with love and I’m not saying that to sound all preachy- love is the actual answer and I have learnt this time and time again. Have compassion, see the good in people and stop judging. Everyone has a story, everyone has their struggles, no matter how good their lives look. Stop comparing yourself and become happy with yourself and what you have. There will always be someone richer, prettier, thinner, curvier, smarter etc… there will never be another you. Time is precious, don’t spend it or waste it focused on what others have or are doing. Focus on you and your relationship with yourself because once you have that covered, everything falls into place. Life isn’t meant to be what you thought it would be. The beauty is in the mess. Stand up for what you believe in and always be true to you!
I love you all for the support you have shown me over the last 3 years on my platforms and I will continue to do my best to inspire through sharing my stories, lessons and life!