Lack of Control by Maria Nikolakakou

Lack of control over certain social aspects, how to deal with that and how to manage what we can control. Article contributed by OpenSpace Clinic

March 2020 – the beginning of the pandemic. We recently completed one year from the beginning of the pandemic. It’s been a tough ride, to say the least. 

I have been living in Canada since 2015. The reason was to pursue my masters degree in Human Nutrition and Dietetics. I am originally from Greece, where most of my family resides. When I heard the news of this “new deadly virus” and started witnessing the reactions of the government and people in my area and around the world, I started panicking and feeling unsafe. In the beginning it wasn’t easy. Everyone was in survival mode, trying to make sure to stock up with the necessities -and toilet paper apparently! 

I was also worried for my family back home. I had heard that the measures in Greece were really strict and were creating a sense of restriction for the people there. In Canada, the covid measures were more reasonable, yet there was still a disturbance in our normalcy. It was also the same time when my brother had first arrived in Canada. What a time to move to a new country! He seemed to be less affected by the whole situation than I was. There is something stoic about some people’s personalities that I always admired – they are able to not get too caught up in their emotions and remain calm no matter what is going on around them.

Because of the prolonged nature of the pandemic, both my mental and physical health started declining during the winter of 2021. It was definitely a combination of the harsh Canadian winter, the measures, social distancing and the overall feeling of fear and uncertainty that was in the air. What was making it worse was the fact that I was a new entrepreneur and trying to make ends meet. As I was trying to bring myself “back to my center”, I thought “Wait, what if I am not meant to fight this situation? What if I am supposed to let go of control and surrender to this uncertainty and chaos?”

This was a simple thought, yet, it brought so much clarity!

We have been living through a period that its main characteristic has been the utter loss of control of our everyday life. It is definitely a hard concept to grasp, since we are so used to -try to- control most things in our lives. The pandemic was a blow to the structure that many of us had created for ourselves and our everyday life. The result? Feelings of uncertainty, stress and panic.
It made me think; what makes a person so uneasy about loss of control during the pandemic?

• Firstly, we have lost our routine. Routine is powerful, as our brain is accustomed to habits. If a disruption occurs in a habit, the brain can become frazzled.
• Secondly, the social aspect was restricted. We no longer have the freedom to meet our family or friends at any given moment or visit them at home. We can no longer go to bars or clubs and we cannot attend concerts.
• Thirdly, there was a fear of the unknown. I believe this fear is ingrained in all of us. It is instinctual. In the face of uncertainty, we can feel powerless. Like we are not in control of our present and future.

This feeling of stress, panic and uncertainty has manifested in addictions, such as alcohol and drug abuse, overeating and others.

How can we overcome this?

I believe that we haven’t realized the illusion of control. We can only control the way we think, feel and react. We have no control over anything that exists outside of us. Only when we understand that we think we are in control, we will truly become free.

What can we control? The short answer is “our inner dialogue”. We have a choice between thinking positive or negative thoughts. We have a choice between catastrophizing and seeing the lessons in a hard situation. What we attract in our lives – people, situations, feelings- is related to the quality of our thoughts. 

Living in fear of what might happen decreases our well-being. Fear is the opposite of love. Fear places us in an energetic frequency that will only attract fear in our lives. Fear focuses around lack. Love, however, is an elevated emotion and will attract love in our lives. Raising our energy and vibration to feelings like love, gratitude, joy and peace will eventually start shifting our energy and mindset. The above are all related to the way that the universal law of attraction works. What you give out, you receive. You would have to make an action based on love, like volunteering to help the elderly, in order to start attracting into your life more love.

Something that has helped me has been keeping a gratitude journal, using affirmations on a frequent basis, meditating, moving my body in ways that make me feel good, talking with people that I know have the capacity to listen to me, eating nutritious foods and working on my thoughts and limiting beliefs. Belief work is the most crucial one, in my opinion. 

If you feel like you cannot do it alone, I highly recommend that you look for professional help. There is a lot of support out there, I encourage you to seek it!

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Maria Nikolakakou, M.Sc.A.

Feature image via Pinterest