Before I, myself, dove into establishing healthy boundaries, I had always heard of them in the podcasts I listened to, the books I read and was like … but what is a boundary. My rational brain couldn’t grasp what seemed to be an ethereal magical perimeter.
I know for me I didn’t have any healthy boundaries until last year. I hadn’t looked at myself deep enough to ask “what will and won’t I accept”, “what do I need” and why?
What won’t you accept?
This is all about what behaviours, language, energy and emotions you will not accept. Some examples of what you may not want to accept its;
- Taking on other peoples’ responsibilities as a way to buffer them owning their shit
- Making yourself small or watered down to make others feel more comfortable
- Self-deprecating or negative language about yourself
- Giving more to others than you receive
- Hearing others bitch about people you care about
- Continuing friendships that no longer feel valuable or energizing
What do boundaries sound like?
- Communicating when you need space and are not able to hold space for another, e.g “ need two nights a week to myself”
- “I’m cool with messaging you in the morning and when I finish work but not throughout my work day”
- “If I say no, please don’t ask me again”
- “Don’t go through my phone, if you’re feeling unsure or need reassurance, please come to me”
- “I’m honestly feeling overwhelmed myself at the moment and I can’t be there for you right now” or “I just need space right now, we can revisit this when I’m in a better space”
- “I know you always come to me, but I think there might be better people you can talk too that can help”
- “When I’m having me/gym/family/friend time, please don’t interrupt. I’ll let you know when I’m done”
- “I really don’t feel comfortable talking about people behind their backs”
Boundaries revolve around knowing your worth and knowing yourself. It’s about honouring what you need in order to feel safe and respected. When we don’t have boundaries we often feel used, exploited, regretful and unappreciated.
There’s physical boundaries – to literally remove yourself from the situation. I know I’ve distanced myself physically in the places I visit because of the people that are there and the energies I no longer want to entertain.
There’s also emotional and energetic boundaries in not giving your energy to people or places that violate your boundaries. I envision myself protecting my energy by always choosing to honour myself and my truth, and essentially not investing emotion into these situations or people.
We also don’t have to explain why we have a boundary in place. If you want to communicate it, you can. Otherwise, it just is what it is. ?
We also then need to ensure we uphold the boundary or respect a boundary when one is communicated to us. We tend to want to push barriers but it’s important to A) keep strong on your boundary on others and B) respect other people’s boundaries. It’s there so you can continue your ‘ship, let’s not self-sabotage or give away our sovereignty.
Boundaries also can and may change as you change and as your circumstances and relationships change. And that’s TOTALLY okay. We’re always evolving, and our boundaries will also. So just revisit and re-communicate them if they do.
Boundaries are also a crucial part of knowing ourselves and honouring ourselves. It sets the tone for the type of behaviour you will and won’t accept, enabling others around you to meet you at that level, know you deeper, respect you and also create their own boundaries, enabling you both to be your best selves. It’s literally the saying of “how you treat yourself is how you teach others to treat you”.
Boundaries are what we need to thrive.
Eliza is a Holistic Nutritionist and is obsessed with helping millennial’s experience living at a higher level.
Her relaxed new age approach and deep understanding of nutrition and biology sees her empowering and coaching individuals to understand that their health is the ultimate asset and facilitates living an authentic juicy life.
Eliza is also currently studying a Masters of Human Nutrition alongside a Bachelor of Naturopathy.
IG: @the_holistic_sister_
Article and images contributed by Eliza Hedley
Feature Image Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash
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